We won't sleep together?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
