Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
