We need to rekindle our bromance
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize