i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
