Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
