I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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