if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
