dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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