i just sent this text using only my big toe
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
