i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
