Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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