He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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