This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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