After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
