I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
