I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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