My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
