I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
