Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
BRING THE BAGELS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
