I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
