i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
