i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
