He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
