There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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