Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
