i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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