Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
