Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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