apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
