the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They took my balls.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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