Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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