Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize