I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
