he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
