just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
smell my finger.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
