I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
