My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
