this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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