On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize