he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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