Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
did you just send me my own nude
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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