Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
