I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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