That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
