Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
