Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
