Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
