I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
