The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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