broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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