Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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