based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
