I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
