on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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