he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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