i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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