I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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