is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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