We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize