So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
