she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
