new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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