Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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