You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
