3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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