I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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