Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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