You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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