Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That accounts for only three of the penises
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
