I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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