I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
