I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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