I am in a vortex of obligation.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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