hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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