I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
