I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
