I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
