I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
