I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
