i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
