i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
