none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize