My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
