Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
