I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
