SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize