you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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