Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize