i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
