No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
