Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
