I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we should paint friendship bongs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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