You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
