i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
