Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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