Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
