....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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