I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
