I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize