Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
